Remember How I Love You
by mioneshipper
Summary: Hermione is greeted with an upsetting surprise one afternoon and is put into shock. Severus tries to help his old lover but finds it hard to deal with himself. One -Shot or continue? Up to you.


**One-shot or a longer fiction? You decide, so please ask! Enjoy. Thank you.**

Pulling away from his hug, Hermione held Severus' chiselled face, tracing her fingers across his creviced cheeks and hard jaw line with her fingers. She could feel his hot breath against her neck and she shivered. Everything about him felt right, his smell, his skin, his touch but she knew it was wrong.

"I can't do this." She whispered, pulling away from his body as easily a magnet would. The dark mix of lust and love in his eyes faded and he looked at her thoughtfully, deeply.

"I'm sorry." He said, watching her. Hermione shook her head.

"You don't understand. You left and – she walked past him brushing against his shoulder – no offence but an apology isn't going to fix years of not knowing, years of …resentment."

"I'm sorry Hermione." His eyes bore into the back of her neck and she could feel them.

She spun to stare determinedly at him. "Why did you come back?"

"I'm beginning to wonder the same." He said slowly, his eyebrows rising in question.

Her brown eyes darkened

"Right. "

Hermione brushed aside his cruel comment with little ease but stormed to the bathroom to bring their conversation to and end.

"Goodbye." She said shortly, closing the bathroom door shut behind her.

For a minute she stood on the other side waiting for movement. For a second she wondered if he had already left but then he spoke from outside the door, causing her to gasp with fright and her stomach to vault.

"I'll come back tonight, to talk to you more…efficiently."

There was a swish of robes against the door and the finality of a closing door. Unable to know what to do with herself she sat onto the toilet with a clunk. For a while, and she didn't know how long, she stared at the bathroom door wishing Severus were still behind it. Realising what she was doing, childishly and dangerously fantasising, she jumped to her feet and her hands wrung and twisted inside her sleeves, she stared into the mirror wiping stray strands of hair from her face and pressing the redness from her cheeks. As she lifted her hands to wipe her face she realised they were shaking profusely and when she stilled her mind she could hear her own steady heaving breath. Nausea followed and an empty hollow heave from her stomach caused her to lurch forward to the toilet and slam the seat open.

Hours later, when the sky was a purpling bruise Severus returned to the apartment. He knocked once, then again and then again but after the third knock there was still no answer. Swiftly he moved for his wand but in his haste to retrieve it he nudged the handle of the door and it cracked open as easy as an egg.

"Hermione?"

His wand raised and tightly clutched in his fist he tiptoed around the apartment, deeper, until he heard water running in the bathroom. The rain like pattering was interrupted however by whimpers and Severus called her name softly again, but his voice was a faded shadow. A light was on in the bathroom and he could see it gleaming from beneath the door but no shadow moved inside it. Gently he pressed his fingers against the hard wood and the bathroom door swung, creaking, open. Hermione was sitting in the bath her legs spread out before her and fully clothed. Water from the shower was running, spattering along her back, through her sopping slick hair that was tight to her face and neck and dripping like a tap from her chin and nose. She looked up, her red eyes and wet face shining at him and without a notion she continued to sob and convulse. Severus moved over to her and placed a ghostly hand against her shoulder, whispering it along her spine.

The water wasn't warm, it was cool as a garden hose's and when he glanced to the dial it was set to the hottest option. What he could see of her arms were red and blotchy, scalded from the water that must have originally come from the tap and her cries continued to run, guttering with the water. Severus felt a tug like apparation in his navel. Slowly, carefully he climbed in behind her under the cool running water and placed his legs on either side of hers. The water gushed over and around his black hair and robes, drenching them as he sat in the inch of water.

He rested his hands on Hermione's shivering elbows and stroked his thumbs against them and up until he reached her collarbone then gradually he rested his chin upon her shoulder and caressed his nose inch by inch against her ear. Her hair smelt so deliciously of her and it felt a brick to the face. Her body continued to shake and she continued to wail quietly to herself but he uttered whispers and calming shushes into her ear and when he was most daring he caught a kiss from her flooded hair or back. Only once or twice did he risk a selfish kiss and he felt his own eyes burning in spite of the cool water flowing over them, he felt his own hands beginning to shake but steadily, he caressed her.

As his head pressed lightly against hers his eyes caught a glimpse of the toilet and he had to double take, his head retracting slightly. Trying to continue his comforts his hand stroked numbly at her knee but his eyes were fixed blurrily at the sick clinging to the rim of the clean white toilet seat. His eyes burned at the sides and he squeezed them shut, holding her tightly against him and resting his forehead stubbornly on her shoulder blade, water curtaining his face and thick, streaming hair.

"I – I thought - you were dead." She half breathed, half croaked.

Stunned he gasped and with a quivering breath to match hers he let silent tears mix with the water while all of his insides seemed to have turned and left.

"You will never know how much I regret leaving." He murmured to her, his voice weak and husky. He was unable to caress her now but only to cradle her body in his and brush his nose against her neck.

"Why did you leave?" she asked, trying desperately not to be a mess, her eyebrows crinkling in confusion.

"Would you believe me if I told you as not to hurt you?" he whispered hoarsely, dragging her hair behind her ear so he could kiss her cheek greedily. His lips clung to her skin and to drag them away was torture, she muttered to herself words that sounded like "six years" over and over. Under his breath and against her swimming cotton jumper he said, "I love you." And she could feel his tongue speak against her body but couldn't hear nor try and feel what they were, silently she sat and relished in her shockand the comforting hands around her which proved he was real and alive.

When the windows panes of the bedroom, off the bathroom showed a devoured, blackened city the water stopped. The body of a man behind her stirred and his weight was no longer leaning against hers and she shivered involuntarily, a shiver that seemed unrelated to coldness. Splatters and slopping reached her ears and she looked up to see Severus pulling off his cloak and dropping it, the black slapping to the floor. He ran a heavy hand through his hair and water spilled from the cracks between his fingers, Hermione watched him fervently as if it were a dream and she wished to memorise him before he vanished and she awoke. He leant over her and she felt his hands beneath her knees, she heard him tell her to wrap her arms around him and she did so obediently. Her weight was lifted from the bath and water dripped and spilled frantically from her too. When all the excess water that could be dripped from her had gone, he placed her carefully into a chair by the bed and remembering his wand he picked it from the floor. Planting a kiss on her forehead he told Hermione he was about to dry her and she gave a nod, ready for any warmth she could be offered. He raised his wand and gradually from her toes through her jeans and sweatshirts, to the crown of her head she dried. He too dried from head to foot.

"Thank you." Her voice was sounder but she could hardly look at him.

"Please don't thank me." He said grimly.

"I'm sorry I was – I am such a mess. I'm just in shock." She explained apologetically.

"It's perfectly understandable." He said calmly, reasonably.

"Oh, Severus. Severus, I'm so confused. It's just it's as if – it's as if Voldemort came back! After Harry defeating him it's as if he rose again, after six years." She was standing now and her arms were extended and flailing at her sides in exasperation.

He was nodding his head in agreement. "I'm aware this was…rash of me."

She continued as if he had said nothing, staring him over sadly.

"Except that I wasn't in – except I'm not - "

Severus' head snapped up to stare at her, anticipating the coming words he longed to hear. She flushed, her cheeks blushing a deep pink and Severus' chest tightened and warmth flushed over him.

"I dare ask if you missed me?" he said charmingly, lovingly, moving closer towards her.

She stared at her shoes and an inkling of a smile broadened her face, which made him smirk in turn.

"Maybe a little." She huffed sardonically sarcastic and when his shoes were inches from hers she risked a glance into his face.

"Well I missed you more than I care to admit." He replied sincerely, his mouth inches from hers, which he stared at fixatedly and in a catch of breath they kissed and kissed and kissed.


End file.
